Before our recent wedding, several brides and anti-brides gave me sound advice for what to expect on our wedding day.
“It will be such a rush! Make sure you take in each moment.”
“Set aside some time for you and your groom. Just take deep breaths and remember why you’re there that day.”
“Take pictures before the wedding. You’ll have more fun and be more relaxed when you have to walk down the aisle.”
The self-help wedding sites are a lovely source of consumerism and half-ass advice, most of which I took in stride. I have no interest in topics like, “What happens at a gift wrapping party?” or “The Ultimate Flower Guide” or “It’s your mother-in-law or you. Who stays?” However, as I found on my own wedding day, there are two very important topics that every bride should consider:
1) Your wedding day is like the day you lose your virginity. For some chaste brides, these days are one in the same, so allow me to kill two birds. Never ever will it happen like it does in the movies. It will be over too quickly. It will end in a sweaty mess with both of you likely craving a cigarette.
2) Be prepared with a stock pile of Kaopectate. Go ahead and take it at 6:00 am. Otherwise, you’ll be apologizing to your sister for the rest of the day, promising her that you will hold her hand when she gives birth because she had to hold your dress over your head while you, well, you know. . .
In all seriousness, the wedding was great. We had the chance to visit with long-lost friends and family as well as a few wedding crashers. And married life? Well, it is settling in the most wonderful way. We’ve spent the past two weeks on the couch pondering the rules of backgammon and I can’t think of another person with whom I would rather ponder such things.